Prosciutto and Me

Italy is the home of probably hundreds of delicious “salumi”. The word salumi is not to be confused with salami, which in itself is not the same as the American product that shares the same word. Salami Piccanti, in Italia, are what we Ameicans call pepperoni. Pepperoni, in Italy, is the word for peppers, which has absolutely nothing to do with our bastardization of the word, I imagine. Pepperoni here are pretty much just like peppers in America. You’ve got your red, green, and yellow, and they are all wonderfully succulent, unless you buy them from the Eurospin. Not very exciting.

But American Pepperoni, or Salami Piccanti, are really good here. Imagine a Slim Jim, or a typical-supermarket American Pepperoni. Then imagine feeding those products to your dog, because that is what Italians would do if you showed up in Italy claiming that American Pepperoni are edible. Salami Piccanti are just one type of salami here, and all of them are better than anything we have in the Land of the Free. Which brings us back to salami in general. Salami here are 100 percent pork products, deliciosouly ground and blended with their own fats. There’s nothing I like better than fatty meat, and there are more kinds to try than I have been able to get my hands on. Each region has their own salami, with the meat ground to different fineness and different spices added. You can find them hung from the celing at any fine grocer. Salami here rock my world in a way that “salami” in America never could, and I think Francis Scott Key would agree with me.

Which brings us finally back to salumi. What you know as salami, in the Home of the Brave, does exist here. It is called “Hungarian Salami”, because, if you think about it, it really is just a giant version of the traditional salami, and every knows that Hungarian meat is bigger, right? But Hungarian Salami here is actually a salume. Where does one draw the distinction? Well, you need a meat slicer to serve this stuff, and it is sliced thin and presumably eaten on sandwiches, instead of served by itself, by homeless people. How could I be so insensitive? Because Hungarian Salami is arguably the least prestgious of all the saulmi in Italy, with the only other contender being mortadella. Other more fanciful salumi include the esteemed proscuitto crudo, coppa, speck, pancetta, bresaola, mocetta, lardo, culatello, and cotto.

Italy, for all its culinary ingenuity and prowess, reaches its peak at raw meat. I have been here for a few months, and I still cannot stuff enough salumi into my fat face. I might be in love with prosciutto crudo. I don’t care if it’s di Parma, San Danielle, or Toscano. It doesn’t matter if I eat it plain, with grissini, with cheese, or draped over melon. Just as long as it is raw, fatty, and salty, I will eat it. Today after skiing (there’s the skiing reference) I might have eaten over a pound of Crudo, but maybe I didn’t and I just wish that I had. The other salumi are great, but give me the crudo!

A lot of food snobs reading this might say, “but Hannafords sells prosciutto crudo for $14.99 per pound!” I retort by first pointing out that the fat bald guy who is cutting your crudo has absolutely no idea how to do it. You’ll end up with pieces of cured skin, or he’ll cut away all of the fat on the outside. The slices will be too thick to chew, and he will just plop them all down on top of each other like they were some cheap cold cut, virtually eliminating any chance of your true enjoyment of the product. Look at this picture:

Note how the slices don’t overlap. They are thin and have fat around the edges, with no skin. And then I would tell you that each slice costs less than half the price it would go for at Hannaford. That is exciting.

I hope we have all learned something today. From pepperoni to salami to salumi, if it is raw the Italians know how to do it better. I need to go eat some more right now.